24 October, 2003 - 12:25 a.m.
Please learn not to take things personally!
How much simpler every day would be if we did not get wrapped up in taking things to heart that have nothing to do with us.
I would like to scream this at oh-so-many people..... it does not matter what someone said (so she said you looked bad, that makes her rude not accurate), or did (so what if that car cut you off, it makes him an ass who maybe needs glasses not someone targeting you) or thought (how do you know what they thought, maybe there are remembering what the doctor said yesterday) or how they looked at you (perhaps that was the pained look of a hemorroid suffer) or whatever.... that is all a reflection of them NOT YOU.
Try to look at it this way.
Each person really IS the center of their own world. You are not the center of anyone else's world. (Unless you are being stalked.) All the things that each of us experiences and subsequently use as filters are absolutely individual. That is why 10 people can witness the same thing and are likely to report it differently. 10 people can hear the same thing and will likely recall it differently. Each person focuses on something different. If you have ever played grapevine then you have an idea of what I mean.
I don't think I am saying this well.
But I mean to say so much more......
Truly, my divorce has driven this point home for me. Each person that has spoken to me directly has focused on a different point that is their particular issue, as apparently have many of the people talking about it with others. What I came to realize was that, each person focuses on what their own issues are based on their own personal past history. Some seem focused on money, others the publicity, others lies, other jealous rages, it goes on and on..... each person reflects back onto me from their own place. Very little of what has been said, and even less of what anyone thinks they knew is actually based on any real facts or witnessing or sharing of events.
I must say that it has been quite telling and insightful to see what the focus might be from any individual and more importantly, to realize that this person's issue (whether bad or good) has nothing to do with me. They are not part of my life, my marriage nor my inner circle - therefore there is no reason to take it (if its bad) as personal affront when they have no idea of what is really going on. The extend hands of friendship, again have more to say about the ones offering them then it does about me.
The same for any of us.... if some one you didn't know at all or barely knew walked up to you and proclaimed some vehement judgment about something you knew was exactly opposite of the truth.... let's say that some woman comes up to your table while your dining and starts proclaiming that you are purple with pink polka dots and need to do something about it. You would laugh I hope, certainly I don't think it would bother you for long and if you were feeling generous you might even try to find an excuse for the behavior.
But it wouldn't hurt you or stick with you for any length of time. Would it?
I hope not. And if it would than re-read this and take it to heart. Can I just tell you how freeing it is to allow other people's issue to be their's and to see them for what they are?? That is why I am sharing this with you. I would save you loosing another moments peace or wasting another ounce of your energy.
The next time some moron comes up and says something ugly/hurtful/stupid/mean or whatever and you find yourself starting to have a reaction.... stop yourself. Don't give said moron the satisfaction of a reaction. Better still, if you can, really see past what was said and see that there is so much more they are telling you about themselves - in how they are behaving, what they are judging, who they are trying to impress... you get the idea. This even applies to compliments. Who knows you might even see that their intent is helpful though their words are clumsy....
That leads me to Intent....
and why people say or pass on what they do but that is another soapbox.
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