16 August, 2005 - 9:33 p.m.
In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing With Manipulative People by...
I have just found the book that defines my marriage. It is terrifyingly accurate. Reading it is like watching a train wreck... I can't stop despite how my guts are tying themselves in knots.
Go to Amazon and scroll down to 'Look inside this book'... it will give you an idea.
The term is Covert -Agressive (CA) and there are too terribly many examples of my married life, my own fears and doubts.... were the events in my home being recorded? Very creepy.
From another website:
http://ogch.tripod.com/pf1.html
"After all, if the CA is never able to figure things out sufficiently so as to function normally, even with work on himself, he might never be able to escape the pain of recognizing his failure but having no other choice than to live with it - and with the fact that being aware of it himself means he's also aware that others are aware of it and legitimately regard him as "inferior" in some way. It is far better not to take the risk in the first place, then, if there's the possibility of being irrevocably stuck with living publicly as a permanently humiliated failure, prey even to those ready and willing to capitalize on the low self-esteem which naturally accompanies recognition of your failure and inadequacy. Just believe you are already as you need to be, no changes needed, and view those who persist in recognizing your extreme shortcomings as "persecutors" and "predators."
"In other situations, the CA can justify faking behaviors he considers to be "illogical" as necessary for his survival in a world populated by bitter enemies - people so envious of his superiority that they will band together for no other purpose than to persecute, enslave and destroy him for it."
"The second way in which fantasy and denial of reality figure into the distorted thinking equation arises from the first. The CA's choosing of his own "reality" over the reality of the world doesn't in any way mean that he has stopped wanting the many benefits which follow from being in tune with the latter reality. These benefits include all things socially conferred: relationships with their whole packages of positive effects; opportunities for advancement; financial gain; material comfort and possessions; esteem and respect from others; and even sometimes one's very freedom. Shirking the world's reality doesn't mean the CA feels he's disqualified himself from receiving these benefits. On the contrary, he feels more entitled to and deserving of them than ever. His "reality," after all, is the true one, the one that the masses would perceive if, again, they weren't so inferior to him. He is therefore more, not less, entitled to the benefits he sees those around him enjoying."
Bottom line, if you 'gut' is telling you there is something wrong, but you just can't quite put your finger on it.... likely you are being worked over by a Covert-Agressive person.
Manipulation at its finest.
Damn creepy if you ask me.
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